I feel like ever since I started working at
So, when I got to work this morning at 7:20am, I called him and asked him if he would squeeze in a meeting with me before he went off to work. We met, our conversation was terribly difficult and only moderately productive. I felt like an emotional rag doll when I returned to my office and the phone rang as I unlocked the door. On the other end of the phone was another member of our worship team who would require 20 minutes in conversation of the heavy-lifting sort. When I hung up the phone I was no longer a rag doll, I was on my way to numb. I took a deep breath, opened my calendar and saw that I have a lunch meeting today with a new guy in our church who wants to be in the Worship Team. And it was in that moment, when I should have felt overwhelmed at the thought of taking on yet ANOTHER “disciple”, that I realized something new and miraculous “sprouting up in my soul.”
I had already lost sleep over the one guy, been down in the trenches with two team members before 9:00am, and now I was LOOKING FORWARD to adding one more person to the team- a person whose mud and mire I would voluntarily lay all comforts aside to help him wade through. I don’t have to meet with him today- I could call it off and tell him we don’t need anymore guitar players, “go take a hike, I’ve had a hard day and too many conversations.” And yet somehow a passion burns inside of me to be bruised walking through another person’s abuses, restless in another person’s sin, and utterly exhausted under another person’s burden. This can only be the calling of God.
It reminded me of how I feel about yard work. I know it’s cliché, but not without good reason. What is it that drives me to drag my half-asleep body out of bed on a Saturday morning and spend my entire day pulling weeds that are only going to keep cropping up? Even more perplexing: how can I spend my entire God-given Saturday morning of rest exhausted in the dirt, and still sense a deep satisfaction at the end of the day? There’s something about being dirty and sweaty, and being sore and getting cut that makes you simultaneously hate and love the work you do. That’s how I feel about ministry this morning: like I’ve been down in the dirt pulling other people’s weeds, knowing that more will sprout up tomorrow, getting cut in the process, and yet looking forward to God adding more and more fields to my work of harvesting.
What madness our ministry must appear to unbelievers who haven’t personally experienced the call of the Lord.
I love you guys. I can’t tell you how much it helps me- especially on days like today- to know that you’re down “in the mud and mire” with me.Ryan