Social Escapes

Whether it's a holiday dinner with the in-laws, a painfully boring meeting, or just an obligatory coffee with a person you can't stand, we all need strategies for escape. Would you walk into a burning building without knowing where the fire exits are? I didn't think so... So don't enter that next meeting until you've considered the following escape routes:

1. Bathroom break. Whether you actually have to "go" or not is beside the point. This is one of the most valuable cards in your deck, but you can only use it once, so plan wisely. If it's a dinner with the in-laws, I recommend saving the restroom break until the after-dinner conversation has begun. Until then, the food is enough to keep me stress-free.

2. Cell phone games and text messages. This is a good way to pull yourself out of a conversation, especially in a large group setting. Nothing says, "Yeah, I'm listening, oh but wait, something important just came up" like a sudden grasp of the cell phone followed by five minutes of furious typing (be sure to keep a furrowed brow and nod occasionally)... whether an invigorating game of Bejeweled or texting an SOS to a close friend, this trick is sure to buy you at least five minutes of emergency alone time.

3. More sugar. If a coffee meeting gets stressful, always be mindful of the condiment table located at the front of the coffee shop. That table could be your oasis when the conversation turns uncomfortably personal or awkwardly lame. Take a sip of your brew, make an irritated face, and simply excuse yourself with the statement, "Needs more sugar," and you're free! Just be sure to come back with a new conversation starter or else it's all for naught.

4. Messy shirt. This one's only for those rare but most desperate situations when, for example, you've already used your "coffee needs sugar" escape, your cell phone interruption, and your bathroom break... then there's only one thing left to do: you must sacrifice your shirt and "accidentally" drop your food (or your coffee) down your torso- be sure to make a small scene in the process (for effect). This will not only permit but oblige you to excuse yourself from the table and buy you at least ten minutes away. If you're really good, you'll remember when you emerge from the bathroom that you have an extra shirt in the car (this takes careful planning and forethought but can afford you another five minutes).

5. If all these tactics still leave you clawing at the walls... better find the wine and keep it close, my friend... I'm afraid you're in for the long-haul.

TCO

When I was in college, I led worship for a campus ministry called TCO (Tallahassee College Outreach). Looking back, those were some of the best times of my life. Sure, the temptations and struggles of college life were also there. But all in all, I realize that the Lord tethered me to His grace, walked me through some of the best and worst times of my life, and used this college ministry, TCO, to keep me pressing on in faith.

At the beginning of our weekly Sunday night meetings (before worship and a message), we would occasionally show "motivational" videos, usually promoting a retreat or group trip. The videos were homemade and, I might add, ridiculously funny. On the video banner to the right is one such video. It was created by my friend Brad Schmidt and features two of my other good friends, Ryan Todd and Dan Morris. If you know these guys, you'll find the video hilarious. If you don't know them... you'll more likely find it creepy...

Here are a couple others for your viewing pleasure, featuring such celebrities as Carter Brown, Rick Hunter, Brad Schmidt, Jeremy Schwab, Tony Cortiz, Ryan Todd, and of course, the one and only Scottish-accent-speaking Dan Morris. Enjoy.

Jesus Himself has told you to go on the fall beach trip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMf9EOtqWZs

Cupid and Friends:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtcjZbmyvtw

Cupid and Friends, Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ859lrhTyc&feature=related

A Hamburger to Die For

Last night, my wife and I were watching TV and scoffed at a commercial that advertised a new quadruple-layered chocolate cake apparently available now at Publix. It's not that I'm the picture of health; my scoff was, rather, a response of disbelief at the blatant advertising- and America's shameless acceptance- of what was, perhaps, the most deadly-looking mass of gluttony I have ever seen. The commercial woos you in: the icing, thick and smooth, slowly caressed by the knife of a baker whose fiendish grin betrays his secret knowledge that this will most certainly kill whoever eats it. Everyone knows that Americans have horribly unhealthy eating habits, but are we even trying to hide it anymore?

With that said, allow me to be a complete hypocrite: I love Five Guys Burgers and Fries and will glady stare death in the face if only I can taste one of their fresh, juicy, double-stacked burgers with a side of cajun fries. As a matter of fact, I would eat there every day if it weren't for the nagging aches I get in my chest when I'm finished.

If you haven't been to Five Guys Burgers and Fries... seriously, go. Take a defibrillator, but go. Experience the best burger for your buck anywhere. For those of you in the Ft. Lauderdale area, there's one in the 17th Street shopping plaza (East of US1) near Moe's and another in the Publix shopping center on Atlantic Blvd. and Rock Island in Margate.

Indulge yourself. Try their double-stacked burger with all the free toppings you can fit in your mouth, a beverage, and their famous cajun-style fries (the regular fries are good too, but I promise you'll like the cajun better). Whatever you do, DON'T click this link before you go: http://www.fiveguys.com/Images/Nutrition%20Fact%20Spreadsheet.pdf

"Come on Down!"

Today was my day off, so I caught an episode of The Price is Right while I trudged my way through a stack of long-neglected bills. The bright, classic game show colors, the pencil-style microphone, and of course, the WAY over-zealous contestants make The Price is Right one of my favorite game shows- especially on a lazy morning like today. For an example of a crazy contestant, I give you exhibit A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJy8yBopnqE

Well, we all knew that Bob Barker's retirement would spell "face lift" for the favorite game show of senior citizens everywhere, and some of us were even optimistic that his replacement would bring it a timely shot in the arm for the younger audience as well. But after watching 3 or 4 episodes with Drew Carey as the new host, I've abandoned my optimism for the singular thought, "What in the world was the network thinking?" He is simply a terrible host for this show.

If you're ever home around 11:00am on a weekday, watch Drew Carey on The Price is Right and tell me if he doesn't appear to be mocking the whole experience- the show, the contestants, and even his coveted new position as host. There's no passion. No joyful lift in his voice when the wheel starts spinning toward "$1.00." Not even a smile or enthusiastic wave when Rod (or whoever it is now) says, "A new Carrrr!" None of that. Just a smug look that says, "That's right, I just got a massive pay raise to watch these idiots win toaster ovens and bedroom sets for an hour every day."

If you've seen the show recently, tell me if you feel the same sense of abandonment from father Bob, or if you disagree with me entirely. Maybe I'm being too hard on the guy, I don't know.

Worship

This morning I received an e-mail forum from a good friend and fellow musician where he asked the group to respond to various critiques regarding the purpose and place of elements like instrumentation, style, and technology in churches' corporate worship services. His overall observation had to do with the age-old debate and general disunity that exists among churches' worship music. I think his e-mail can be fairly summarized: "Whether it's a rock song or a Bach concerto, it's my responsibility to worship the Lord with all my heart." The numerous responses are too lengthy to post here, but in summary the issues they tackled were: 1) the distinction between private and corporate worship, 2) music reflecting the culture in which you worship, 3) the issue of worship services looking like a big "rock show" and not much like a worship service, 4) worship leaders being diverse in their musical content, and 5) whether or not we should use some instruments in the worship service that are tied to ungodly purposes or memories of sin.

Below was my response. I hope it makes sense out of context. I invite your comments as well.

--

Not to over-simplify the problem, but for the sake of brevity, it seems to me (and playing off of many of the responses already given) that this “divided church” is the result of 1) misguided worship leadership, and 2) selfish worshippers. That’s not to say that all churches “divided” operate in those extremes, but I would argue that all churches gravitate toward these poles- some, by the grace of God, less or more than others. Leaders forget their followers for their own idea of what’s best and worshippers forget the body of which they are a part; that is, Worship Pastors can tend to view the quality or style of the music (for example) as more important than the people they are leading, and the worshippers can tend to forget that Sunday morning is not intended to be their own, personal “in-the-closet” time of worship. There’s a sense in which the corporate worship experience is a selflessly shared responsibility between the Worship Pastor and the worshipper, where each one sets aside his or her own “preferences” for the good of the body. I think this is what [Nancy] was getting at...

[Our unity in worship] is easier said than done because it really has very little to do with the content of our programs and everything to do with the Holy Spirit breaking pride and selfish motives in our hearts. Thus, the conversation continues- not as a quick fix, but as the Holy Spirit slowly works sanctification in each worshipper's heart.

With that said, I also wanted to weigh in on at least one of the other questions raised:

Saxophone? Drums? Electric Guitar? Saying nothing of preferences: “Yes, yes, and yes.” For every vile memory the Enemy has attached to those instruments of death (before knowing Christ), our Redeemer intends to use those same instruments now to cultivate life (since we know Christ). Isaiah 2:4 says, “He shall judge between the nations, and rebuke many people; they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.” It’s a picture of God turning weapons of war into tools of the harvest (as opposed to simply throwing the sword away in an effort to forget that the war ever happened).

If the electric guitar was, in a sense, a sword of the Enemy when you were at war with God, then God’s desire is to turn that “weapon of war into a tool for the harvest”- to see many come to know Him. God has a heart for redemption; He loves to take the standards used by the enemy in our past and to raise them again to new purpose for His Name. So, with that in mind, it seems appropriate not to discard the music that came out of the 70’s, but rather to redeem it for God’ Name.

Thanks for including me in this discussion. I look forward to growing in my knowledge of Him through our conversation.

Would You Like to Make a Donation?

"Welcome to Arby's, may I take your order?"
"Yeah, I'll have the #2 please, with a Coke."
"Will that be all?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Would you like to donate a dollar to the Foundation for Starving, Crippled Orphans with Malaria Fund, sir?"
"Uhhhh..." (looking around nervously and hoping no one's listening): "no, thank you."
(with a sigh of disgust): "Your total comes to $5.71."

I mean, it is only a dollar, right? Would it kill me to throw in an extra buck? Maybe my distaste for the question is less about the money and more about the principle: I want to say, "Listen, man, I just came here to eat lunch- take it easy!" But now, because I came expecting food (and not to solve world hunger on my lunch break), I have to choke down every bite feeling like a complete jerk and utter degenerate.

With that said, it makes me wonder what Jesus would have done- in the serious way, not in the ridiculous "I have a neon WWJD bracelet" kind of way. I mean, if my lunch meeting that day had been with Jesus, and He had been standing behind me in line when the guy asked me to chip in a buck for orphans- or hurricane victims- or, whatever, would I still stand on my conviction that "I came here to eat, not to be a servant"?

I'm not saying I'm convicted to open my wallet for every donation box out there; I'm not even saying Jesus would have put a buck in that Arby's jar... all I'm saying is: "am I willing?"

Foo Fighters Concert

Imagine a crowd of 20,000 fans packed into an arena like sardines in a can, raising their near-deafening collective scream as the rock legend of our day takes the stage and begins a familiar riff. With a nod to the city in uproar before him, he takes a proud step forward to the microphone and groans at 110 decibels “A heart of gold, but it lost its pride…” Now imagine, if you will, the most surreal moment in music you’ve ever experienced- you know, those life-defining and extremely rare (maybe happen once or twice in a lifetime) moments when the music transcends conceivable reality and the only remaining problem in your life seems to be the daunting question “How can it possibly get any better than this?”

Dave Grohl had me at “Heart of gold…” But just when I was regulating my temperature to tolerate the new ceiling we had reached by the end of minute 2, he leaned into the microphone and ferociously screamed, above the roar of the amps and above the ecstatic fans, “WHY’D YOU HAVE TO GO AND LET IT DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!”

Moment by musical moment; song by mind-blowing song the Fighters o’ Foo shattered the threshold of human-tolerable excellence repeatedly throughout their 2 hour 7 minute set. Each time I thought they'd reached the pinnacle, they effortlessly took us another step higher. This morning, 20,000 people in South Florida woke up and went back to life as usual but will themselves be never the same. There’s a new standard now- a new expectation going into every concert from here forward, and we are all better for it.

For those who couldn’t be there last night, I’m more than grateful for the opportunity to re-live the night for your reading pleasure. Since I know I have some ADD readers, I'll try to write along two tracks: for those of you who want every detail, read straight to the bottom of the page; for those of you who just want the highlights, read until you see * and skip to **.

I'll begin with the set lists for both Jimmy Eat World (the opening band) and the Foo Fighters:
Jimmy Eat World
Bleed American
Big Casino
Sweetness
Praise Chorus
Always Be
Crush
Work
Blister
Let it Happen
Pain
The Middle

Foo Fighters
Let it Die
Pretender
Times Like These
Breakout
Long Road to Ruin
DOA
Learn to Fly
This is a Call
Stacked Actors
Skin and Bones
Marigold
Hero
Cold Day in the Sun
But Honestly
Everlong
Monkey Wrench
All my Life
In Your Honor
For All the Cows
Enough Space
Big Me
Best of You

I have so much to say about the Foo Fighters that I don't want to spend much time talking about how great Jimmy Eat World was. Overall they were suprisingly good; solid vocals, tight band, several great songs. I only wish they had tailored their performance a bit more for a live setting instead of playing their songs exactly how they're recorded.

Now on to the Foo...
Last night was the Foo Fighters' opening show of their new tour and was a perfect blend of their oldest, hardest-hitting rock songs and their more recent acoustic efforts. They pulled in all the auxiliary players from their Skin and Bones record: violin, keys, percussion, and guitar, filling out their already stellar sound. In summary, the show rocked relentlessly for a solid hour and then transitioned to an acoustic set on a secondary stage (forward in the arena, on the back 1/3 of the floor). After 5 acoustic songs, the band left Dave alone on the stage to play "Everlong" solo, only to have the band re-appear on the main stage at a blistering decibel level on the downbeat of the final chorus. Dave screamed his way to the end of Everlong, which led seamlessly into another 7-song set of rock-your-face-off hits (listed above). * (For the faint of heart, skip to **; for those interested in every detail, read on with a smile)

I've already described the opening of the concert above, so I'll pick it up from there. After the opening song "Let it Die", they rolled right into Pretender, followed immediately by Times Like These. When the final chord of Times Like These had rung out, Dave addressed the crowd for the first time: "Hey! How ya' doin'?! Listen uhhh, I guess we've been a band for a really long time now, sooooo... that means we've got a lot of [stinkin'] songs to play for you guys tonight." To which the crowd responded with a deafening scream. "So, this one's off our third record... it's called 'Breakout'" If you know the song, it needs no explanation for how it rocked; if you don't know the song, no explanation can do it justice. Let's just say it was one of the launch-pad, ceiling-raising moments I described earlier.

Breakout led seamlessly into the set: Long Road to Ruin, DOA, Learn to Fly, and This is a Call- all with hardly a breath for applause between. Then Dave walked 1/2 way out on the catwalk and engaged Chris Shifflet in a sort of guitar duel, each one echoing solos and improvising off the other. This went on for a matter of minutes, gradually accellerating in intensity until a crack of the snare drum propelled the whole band into the intro of "Stacked Actors." Incidentally, this was the moment when they finally lost their audience to cardiac arrest; if Dave had screamed any louder, if the drums had kicked in our chest cavities any harder, if the lights had burned any hotter or flashed any brighter, I'm pretty sure it would have been the end of the world as we know it. And to add insult to injury, they filled 10 minutes in the heart of the song with a blistering drum solo and a full-band spontaneous jam.

Dave, being the showman that he is, was sensitive to the cardiac needs of his audience and swaggered away from the heat of the main stage (where the lights now dimmed to black), down the catwalk (which cut straight through the middle of the room), directly to the secondary stage that had now begun to descend from the ceiling in a hue of red light (I took this picture with my phone). As he walked, and as the stage descended from (heaven?), the simple yet genius opening riff of "Skin and Bones" rang out in the first acoustic guitar tones of the night. Once the stage had made its landing, Dave and the band found their places (Dave still vamping on the intro to Skin and Bones) and played an acoustic set including Skin and Bones, Marigold, Hero, Cold Day in the Sun, and But Honestly. Between "Hero" and "Cold Day," there was time for band introductions, small talk and compliments to the number of Floridians "who actually like us," and even a triangle solo (a little somethin' for everyone).

As described above, Everlong led back to the main stage where the band would once again threaten the lifespan of those whose hearts had finally just recovered. Monkey Wrench hit immediately after Everlong, followed by Dave's inspiring message: "I just have one thing to say... ~BELLLLLLLCH~." Don't know if you've ever heard a gutteral belch through an arena rock sound system, but it easily rivaled my childhood babysitter's talent of burping the entire alphabet in one smelly breath. And of course the crowd cheered and loved him all the more for sharing his bodily dysfunctions with the masses. But the laughter was suddenly overpowered by the ultra-distorted intro of "All My Life," which would end with a huge drum fill and a thick, rolling chord- Dave screaming over it all "THANK YOUUUU!"

** When the band had left the stage following their final song, there was continuous applause and peircing screams for nearly two minutes in virtual blackout when suddenly something appeared on the jumbo screens in black and white: a live video feed zooming in on the night's set list, then a moment later on Dave Grohl backstage. Dave gestured silently to the crowd over the big screens "One more song???" The crowd roared in approval. Dave, apparently operating the camera himself, casually took a sip of a drink, paused, then held up two fingers to the crowd "Two more songs???" Deafening cheers. Taking his time to nurse a cigarette then panning the camera to the left, Dave got a shot of Taylor Hawkins (drummer) with a cigarette awkwardly sticking out his nose and a dazed look on his face. The crowd roared with laughter. Turning the camera back on himself, Dave now held up three fingers with an expression on his face that said "Are you sure?" At the climax of the loudest cheer of the night, the camera dropped and a sillouhette emerged from stage left, ran across the blue, backlit stage and picked up a guitar. And so the most memorable encore of my life began: the transcendent guitar jam beginning "In Your Honor" laid the foundation for what would be perhaps the most moving screams of the night when Dave pressed in to the microphone and shreiked "CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEEEEE?!!! HEAR ME SCREAMIIIIIING!!! BREAKING IN THE MUTED SKYYYYY!!! THIS THUNDER HEAAAAAART LIKE BOMBS BEATIIIIING, ECHOING A THOUSAND MIIIIIIIIIILES!!!" When "In Your Honor" was over, Dave turned to the crowd and confessed: "I don't know what to do next... any ideas? Oh and by the way, I know I said we'd do three songs, but we're gonna' do more than that- just so you know." "For All the Cows," the face-melting classic "Enough Space", "Big Me", and the more recent hit "Best of You" sealed the night in surrealism.

Finally, you should know that on the final song, "Best of You", some moron rushed the stage and made a big scene next to Dave Grohl (picture a drunk guy pumping rock signs with his fists 2 feet away from Dave on stage... now picture him getting tackled by two security guards (I laughed out loud) while Dave casually observes all the action without missing a beat (as if this happens all the time). So dummy managed to make it through 4 hours of concert only to lose self-control on the very last song of the night. (Oo! Soooo clooose, my man!) The band finished the song with an epic jam, Dave once again yelled his thanks above the noise, slammed the final cut off and went on his way with a wave. With a toss of the drumsticks and one final bow, Taylor and the band followed their leader to the exit and in that moment the night somehow skipped my short-term memory and burned itself directly into that surreal place reserved for the most rare moments in life- when you know an experience has marked the start of a new era and its value in your memory simply cannot be described or measured, only talked about as a fable of transcendence worthy of many, many "big fish" stories to come. Thanks for reading.
(The main stage, I think this was during "Stacked Actors")












(The acoustic stage during "Hero")