Thursday, June 26, 2008

Observations of a Convertible Life

Follow this logic with me:
Ryan's in-laws own a Sebring Convertible


Ryan owns a... not a convertible


Ryan's in-laws left the country (and their convertible in their driveway) for 2 weeks


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Don't worry, I learned a sweet odometer trick from Ferris Bueller... they'll never know.

So I boosted the car on Wednesday night and have been driving it everywhere since. Already I've observed much that is new and different about the convertible life. And the first of those observations was just that- that driving a convertible is a lifestyle, not just a car. It doesn't matter if it's an old man Sebring or a chick-magnet Corvette; what matters is the top is down and the scope of the world around you is suddenly larger than life. With that, I give you my observations of what life is like behind the wheel of a convertible:

1. I am suddenly self-conscious about everything from the volume of my music to how long I linger when I examine my nose in the rear-view. I'm like a fish in a fishbowl.

2. I am, accordingly, growing a sizable ego as I irrationally imagine myself to be on everyone's mind at all times.

3. It's louder than a rock concert when you're driving 70 mph next to a semi-truck hauling metal trusses on I-95.

4. Consequently, the max volume of your radio must be capable of shattering the windows of nearby buildings.

5. South Florida is hotter than it looked from the air conditioned cab of my Saturn.

6. "The wind in your hair" really is a credible expression of elation. I find myself frequently laying my head back on the headrest and taking deep, contented sighs.

7. When taking said deep, contented sighs, breathe through your mouth. The smell of exhaust will eventually make you throw up.

8. In my typical closed-in, selfish hurry, I forget that there's a sky with massive and glorious clouds above me that remind me how small I am and how big God is. It's no longer stressful sitting at a red light; it's devotional time with the Lord. Makes me wish I had looked up from the red lights more often in life, but that's another (more brooding) blog topic for another time...

9. Those little pebbles of rock that big trucks kick up hurt when they miss the windshield and hit you in the side of the face.

10. Somehow the open air makes me want to drive even faster than I normally do. It's probably because 40 mph feels like 70. 70 feels like 100...

11. 100 feels like 130. 130 feels like 150. 150 feels like...

12. Now you can kill two birds with one stone: commute to work, work on your tan.

13. You can listen in on everyone else's order at the Starbuck's drive thru (which doesn't sound all that amusing, but trust me, it is).

14. To reach the little transport tube at the bank drive thru, I've found it's far easier to lean over the door of a convertible than to squeeze through the window of an ordinary car. Some say pull up closer; I say get a convertible.

15. When the top is down, you can't talk to a friend on your cell phone but you can talk with every bum, newspaper guy, and flower salesman who approaches your car. You have no choice in this matter.

11 more days until I have to return the car... See you on the road.


Philip Letizia said...

I once heard someone say that anyone who owns a convertible, especially a corvette convertible, also sports a mustache....

And I've observed that that statement is very true.

How's the mustache coming?

Dede Hunter said...

Quite entertaining! I was, though, very concerned that you are frequenting the evil empire of Starbucks instead of a local, family owned coffee shop that serves REAL coffee!

Ryan B said...

Hahaha... it wasn't the stealing of my in-laws' car that got me in trouble, it was the kind of coffee I drank in it- never saw that coming! =) The only reason I go to Starbuck's is because I have somehow accumulated something like $300 worth of Starbuck's gift cards over the last couple years. I haven't paid for a single cup of coffee since! But as soon as the free coffee stops flowin' at Starbuck's, I'll be a Brew regular, I promise.

P.S. Phil- the convertible overheated on me yesterday... I had to shave my mustache and return the car.

Anonymous said...

Just be sure not to drive by a paper factory/plant in the next few days... It's much worse than inhaling car exhaust.

Anonymous said...

FYI: The overheating was probably due to driving at speeds that felt like 170 miles per hour plus.