Some Darwin Award Highlights

Every year "The Darwin Awards" are published to honor those who were , by virtue of their own stupidity, removed from the gene pool for the sake of the greater good. While we wait for the 2007 awards to be published, I would like to share with you a few of my favorites from years past. Enjoy.

5. Mind over matter
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1994-14.html

4. Kung Fu expert vs. lion
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1994-13.html

3. When a land mine is the primary prop in a drinking game: http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1999-07.html

2. Jesus impersonators
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1999-49.html

1. Rocket engine + Chevy Impala=
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

The Office

MEMORANDUM
From: Dwight K. Schrute
To: Office fans around the universe

Question: What is the best night of the week?
Answer: Thursdays. Every other night is stupid.

The author of this blog has recently added video clips entitled "The Office- Greatest Moments" . Well, as the Assistant Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch, I say that as funny as those clips are, they don't do justice to what were truly the greatest moments in our history. Those of you who have never watched our show before, I expect to see you on NBC this Thursday night at 9pm or disciplinary action will be taken. *Disclaimer: the law of nature requires that as soon as I recommend a tv show to anyone the next episode will be unusually offensive, raunchy, and obscene... it's not usually, I promise.

The Top Ten "Office" Moments According to Dwight K. Schrute:
10. When Jim left the Scranton office. "Ohhh, noooo, Jim's gone. What are we going to doooo? FALSE. I do not miss him."

9. When Michael told Toby that he hates everything about him. No one can explain Michael's hatred for Toby... but it's funny.

8. The day I unveiled my ingenious idea for a new consequence-reward system around the office: Schrute Bucks.

7. The day Pam was in tears in the hallway and I alone was there to console her. Upon approaching the crying victim, I quickly asked "Who did this to you? Where is he?" After a moment of silently listening to her sobbing, I calmly diagnosed the problem: "So you're PMS'ing pretty bad right now, huh?"

6. The day my computer challenged my sales ability and I defeated it. My computer started typing these messages to me, things like: "While you were reading this, I researched everything in the world and learned everything there is to know, and oh yeah, in that time I also sold more paper than you." But Michael and I were ultimately victorious over our cyber-foe when we delivered gift baskets to our former clientèle... that is, before Michael drove the car into the lake following the GPS' instructions.

5. "Diversity Day." Michael came up with this brilliant idea to help us appreciate diverse cultures. Each person had a post-it note on his/her forehead with "Jewish" or "Asian" or "Black" or something similar written on it. It was then the role of the other office members to talk to that person about himself/herself using descriptive statements about that point of view or nationality. Toby was ticked, but Michael's a genius.

4. The day Michael hit Meredith with his car. And then a couple weeks later, when Meredith asked Jim to sign her pelvic cast. (Meredith: "Thanks. I'll read that later.") Meredith is creepy.

3. Jim dressing up like me. Impersonation is the highest form of flattery, so I thank you, Jim.

2. The day I neutralized an assailant with my pepper spray. "For two years, I've brought pepper spray with me to the office and was laughed at... well who's laughing now?"

1. And the number one, most enlightening, greatest day in the office was the day Michael dressed up like a ganster to teach us all a valuable lesson: Prison isn't funny. Someone in the office joked that work was like a prison, so Michael did a dramatic presentation to shed light on the terrors of prison life by impersonating a gansta' from da' slamma' named "Prison Mike." There's really no adequate way to describe it, so you may re-live it here: (Warning: This clip is rated PG-13 for the use of the "B word"): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB-3eD_V4JQ

I thank you for reading. Post your favorite moments of the show if you wish. On behalf of all of us here at Dunder Mifflin, I bid you adieu.

Sincerely,
Dwight K. Shrute
Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder Mifflin, Scranton

The Great Conversation???

Those of you who have been tuned in to my blog lately know that I recently partnered with a couple friends on a new series we kicked off called "The Great Conversation" (see below four or five posts if you want to catch up on the discussion). Adam, the masterful poet behind "Late Night Over Pancakes," and Dan, the excavator of the deep and profound truths within the "Pray Your Gods" blog, had both agreed to reply to my original post concerning "Christian" and "Secular" arts.

When I stepped to the plate a month and a half ago, Dan was in the batters box warming up, as he was the first scheduled to respond (and then Adam was going to respond after him). But alas, our good friend Dan is waiting for the right moment to take his home run swing; he is yet to take a crack at the discussion we have pitched his way. I've been checking his blog almost daily in eager anticipation and I hope you have been too.

He's a busy guy and extremely thoughtful about these things, so this post is simply to cheer Dan on and to give him a friendly push of inspiration- to encourage him to post his response by the end of this weekend, if possible. We're looking forward to reading what you've been processing these past few weeks, my friend.

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace

Foo Fighter's new album released today. All I can say after my third listen-through is "Ohhhhhhhh..."

While you're putting your shoes on to go buy your copy right now ($9.99 this week at Best Buy), click this link and be amazed at their new single's music video, "The Pretender": http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?artist=986&vid=169364

Dave Grohl, I think I love you.

RAIDED

I've been going to the same chiropractor off and on for seven years here in Ft. Lauderdale, but not anymore...

Yesterday afternoon my neck was like a pretzel, so I stopped by the chiropractor's office on my way home from class (I had a 12:00pm appointment). I parked the car and walked up to the office entrance, but was abruptly halted by a police officer as I reached to open the door. "Are you a patient here?" demanded the female officer. She had enough gadgets, vests, badges and guns strapped to her to re-take Normandy. "Uhhh, yes ma'am" I stuttered in reply, taking a half step backwards. "The office is closed right now, but I need to ask you a few questions." "O- Okay." As she took my deposition, I examined her badge more closely: "US Treasury Department- Special Agent."

"What's your name, sir?" I answered and she scribbled my name on her notepad while I snuck a peek at the glock 9mm strapped to her side. "What's the best phone number to reach you at?" My eyes darted back to hers as I responded. "What kind of payment plan do you have with this office?" I glanced over her shoulder through the glass door and saw two other officers inside rummaging through files and desks, which made me cautious in my reply: "I pay monthly."

Question after question finally ended when another patient approached the door. Special Agent GI-Jane had a new target, or witness or, suspect... who knows... Anyway, I was dismissed without much explanation about what was going on. I've become friends with one of the doctors there over the years, so he called this morning to tell me there was apparently something bogus going on with the office's billing and taxes. He was ticked off because he and his wife are both suddenly jobless due to someone else's negligence and dishonesty. The raid came unannounced and without apology.

I spent all morning working in the yard, dwelling on what had happened. And it tormented me all the more when my thoughts turned introspective and I began to examine my own integrity: "What would be found if my life was suddenly raided today? No announcement, no warning, just investigators rummaging through every corner of my life. What would I be charged with?"

I may not be guilty of money laundering, tax evasion, or for that matter anything illegal by the US Justice Department's standards, but it worried me when I considered the standards of justice to which I'm truly accountable. It may be a silly picture, but think about it: if God sent special agents into your house, into your marriage, and into your office; if God Himself was the captain of an exhaustive investigation into the files on your computer... what kind of hell would you be in? Would you be suddenly jobless? Would your reputation be tainted? Would your wife still admire, family still be proud of, and friends still associate themselves with... you?

The depth at which my heart was troubled was alone enough to convict me; if I were blameless and "above reproach," I wouldn't be bothered by daily visits from God's entire investigative staff. But as it is, I know there are dark corners of my mind and heart that need correction before I'm prepared for such a raid.

Dr. D. James Kennedy passed away last week Thursday. At his memorial service, one of the speakers said, "There was nothing in James Kennedy's life that would embarrass the name of Jesus." I want that said of me at my funeral. Not that I will be able to perfect my every flaw, be sinless, or anything like that. But just to know I was not only at rest in the grace of Christ, but also wholly blameless to the best of my ability in this life.

"Keep your servant also from willfull sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression." (Psalm 19:13)
(See also I Timothy 3:2, Psalm 15:1-5, 37:18-19, 108:1-8)

Final Exam Results

The moment we've all (three) been waiting for... the results of this year's Summer School of Rock final exam are in:

1. Who is the lead singer of AC/DC?
Correct answer: Brian Johnson (’80-present); Bon Scott was the original lead singer (’73-’80) who died of excessive alcohol consumption

2. On the famous “Cowbell” sketch on SNL, what 70’s rock band does the cast portray and what’s the name of the song needing “more cowbell”?
Band: Blue Öyster Cult; Song: “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper” P.S. Probably the best SNL sketch of all time; in the top 10 at the very least.

3. The name of the Southern Rock band whose lead singer, Ronnie Van Zant, along with several other members of the band and crew died in a plan crash in 1977?
The one and only: Lynyrd Skynyrd

4. The name of the band and the album that can, reportedly, be played simultaneously with the Wizard of Oz as a sort of psychedelic soundtrack?
Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" is said to match "perfectly" with every scene in the classic movie The Wizard of Oz. Personally I don't believe it, so I got the CD and the movie and now I'm just waiting for a free night to test the validity of this rumor for myself (and of course, I'll post the results of my findings here).

5. Since most of you know the answer to #4: Same band, who was their chief songwriter through the 70’s and beginning of the 80’s?
Pink Floyd's principle songwriter was Roger Waters through the 80's.

6. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Bonham, and John Paul Jones: what was their band called?
A little band called Led Zeppelin

7. What highly influential English punk rock band was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and credited with initiating the punk rock movement in the UK even though they only existed for 4 years (1975-1979) and released only one studio album (plus compilations and singles)?
The Sex Pistols, when honored with their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, called the award (and I quote) "a piss stain," and refused to make an appearance at the ceremony. Bassist Sid Vicious died of an "accidental" heroin overdose but is rumored to have been murdered by the dealer who made his dose of heroin unusually potent (coroner's report: it was a dose of 99% pure heroin as opposed to the common 22% pure). Yep, sounds like punk rock.

8. This duo formed in 1957 and were together through 1970, and their hit list includes “The Sound of Silence,” “Mrs. Robinson,” and “Bridge over Troubled Water.” Hall of Fame-rs and #40 on Rolling Stone Magazine’s 100 Greatest Artists of All Time.
Simon and Garfunkel. Originally formed under the name "Tom and Jerry" (thanks to Rick for that extra piece of trivia)

9. Name the band whose hits include “Come Sail Away” and “Mr. Roboto.” (Hint: it’s one misspelled word, four letters)
Styx

10. Pete Townshend was the guitarist and principal songwriter for this band that has been called “the greatest and most influential rock band of all time.”
The Who

11. What genre did the band Deep Purple help pioneer?
Deep Purple is considered one of the pioneers of heavy metal and hard rock (along with Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin)

12. What band released that single that gets in your head and never leaves you alone, “More Than a Feeling”? Boston

13. It is estimated that by 1985, this band had sold over one billion discs and tapes worldwide. They are #1 on Rolling Stone’s 100 Greatest Artists of All Time.
The Beatles. P.S. One billion is a ridiculous number of records.

14. Regarded by some as “America’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band,” this group nearly fell apart between 1979 and 1984 due to substance abuse, except for the tireless efforts of then manager, Tim Collins, who reformed the band, got them help for their addictions, and made it possible for this now 38 year old rock band to still perform concerts today to sell-out crowds. (Hint: the lead singer has a daughter in the movies)
Aerosmith. Frontman Steve Tyler has a famous Hollywood daughter named Liv.

15. If you were stranded on an island and could only have one CD to listen to, which would it be?
The correct answer is U2's Joshua Tree (sorry Dan, Forrest Gump was a wrong answer; I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul).

First let me say that I was very impressed with your knowledge of classic rock. There were several who gave their answers to me in person but didn't post them here, so thanks to you guys as well. But there was one student who rose above; one shining star above the class; one student who not only answered every question correctly but also answered extra credit questions I did not ask. This person added the above-mentioned tidbit about "Tom and Jerry," knew that the week he was born "Bridge Over Troubled Water" was #1, and perhaps most impressive of all, he went through the trouble of adding an umlaut to the "O" of Blue Öyster Cult in order to properly answer question number 2. The School of Rock is therefore proud to crown Rick Hunter (aka "Tall Rick") as this year's top of the class. Rick, we have high hopes for your future. Make us proud. (Acceptance speech?)

The Great Conversation

There was a day when people talked. Today when you pass a stranger on the sidewalk, there are no conversations about life, no regard for each other's experiential wisdom (what that person has been through in life and what he's learned from it), and no social permission to breach a discussion about issues of love, or God, or... anything, really. In fact, today you're lucky to get a silent head nod and not fear for your life when walking past a stranger. But there was a time when philosophy (the love of knowledge/wisdom/truth) was considered the most important pursuit in a man's existence. And so it was normal, if not expected, to run into a stranger on the street and engage him in conversation about, for example, the nature of the human soul.

Now, don't misunderstand here, my hope is not to be a philosopher; I was a C student through high school and I still only read when I "have to." But I want to continue this "Great Conversation," as its been called by many scholars, and to be sharpened by the knowledge and life experiences of my friends (and relative strangers). At the recommendation of my good friend, Dan (Pray Your Gods blog), I would like to begin a new series called "The Great Conversation" with this purpose in mind. I, or one of my blogging friends, will start a topic of discussion under the title "The Great Conversation," open it up to discussion, and then friends with blogs can post a response (rebuttal, if you will) on their own blog page. I'll spare you further explanation, it'll make sense as we go. And so, I'll open with a statement for our first discussion:

Many families cling to a "Christian-only" policy when it comes to books, movies, and music. And while I encourage protecting the minds of young kids, it's sad to me that Christians are growing up to adulthood with a subconscious belief that everything "secular" is bad. These kids grow up to be critical (rather than discerning) of everything that doesn't have a Christian label attached.

I would submit that God can use "secular" art (literature, theater, music, etc.) to accomplish His evangelistic purposes in our world today, just as He did through ancient paganism in the centuries before Christ's first advent. In ancient Greece, they didn't have an AMC, Barnes and Noble, or Flava' Flave (it wasn't all bad in ancient Greece); what they had was the theater. The theater wasn't just another source of mind-numbing over-stimulation like much (not all) of our entertainment is today; the theater was where deep-rooted issues of politics, war, and the human condition were expressed artistically through comic, tragic, lyric, or epic portrayals. The things performed on that stage were THE stories and, in many cases, the beliefs of that culture.

One such play was called "Prometheus Bound." The tragedy opens with Prometheus, a Titan god who created man and posesses the gift of prophecy, nailed to a rock on a mountain. The play unfolds as Prometheus recounts the events leading up to his punishment: Cronos, the god of the Titans, and Zeus, the god of the Olympians, were at war with one another. Prometheus, with his gift of prophecy (his name means "Forethinker") tried to counsel Cronos in his strategy against Zeus, but Cronos would not listen. So, in order to save himself and his family, the god Prometheus defected to the Olympians, and by his counsel, Zeus defeated Cronos. But then Zeus punished Prometheus by making plans to destroy all of mankind (Zeus wants to punish him because, like all tyrants, he distrusts even his closest friends for fear of his power being taken from him). Knowing that Prometheus is compassionate to the race of men (since he created them), Zeus hides the gift of fire from mankind, leaving them utterly incapable of performing their skills/crafts of survival, which would lead to their complete destruction. But Prometheus, the god, takes on human flesh and sacrifices his life in order to save and to bring light (fire) to the race of men. As a consequence, Zeus has Prometheus nailed to a rock on a mountain, where vultures will peck out his eyes every day forever.

This story (and many other Greek plays) would have been common and extremely well-known by everybody in that time (perhaps like you and I know the story of Cinderella). So when Paul comes to Greece with the Gospel ("good news") that there was a God who left His throne in heaven to take on human flesh, in order to be the "light of the world" and save men from the curse of death by Himself being nailed to a tree on a mountain... he was speaking their language, to say the least.

Did God take a pagan play about a polytheistic war and a god-man's sacrifice and use it as an evangelistic foundation for Paul to build upon? Could God have inspired those stories in the hearts of Greek men in order to prepare them for the coming of Christ? Does God commonly use "secular" expressions to make His work known to generations of people today, as it seems He did in ancient times?

I would submit that yes, He can and He does. Perhaps we should be less guarded as a "Christian" culture and more confidently aware of what God is working in the hearts of "secular" beings that could be foundational to our witness.

Please POST your thoughts (don't keep them to yourself); the whole point of this series is for you to contribute to the conversation. And after you've commented, please check out the above-mentioned friends' blogs for their responses (Pray Your Gods and Late Night Over Pancakes).